Comments on: More on speaking the truth, questions

By: ElshaHawk

ElshaHawk — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 22:35:53 +0000

I always say something other than “fine”. Depending on who asked me, it may be a one word answer also, but a more descriptive one. If I say, “good”, it tells them more than ‘fine’ and if I say ‘i’m tired’ or ‘terrible’, I don’t expect them to lend an ear or sympathize much, but at least I was honest. People don’t expect that kind of answer either.

I am married, I married young to my first boyfriend, and I do find that we choose mates with characteristics of our parents. That’s what we are comfortable with.

I have children as well, young children, and I want them to be nurtured. Each parent brings a certain personality into that nurturing. hopefully between teh two of us, we can raise well-balanced children!

By: Anna

Anna — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 21:13:09 +0000

That’s right! That’s definitely how I would feel. I guess God puts us in families and gives us parents for a reason. Which, since I’m writing a paper on homosexuality, and homosexual adoption, is a very good argument against it! A father is a picture of how a girl’s future husband should treat her, and a mother is a picture of how she should act as a future wife. Homosexuality does not provide that basic foundation and is therefore not a healthy situation for children.

By: Matthew

Matthew — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:32:18 +0000

Actually that’s exactly right. How you relate to your parents is majorly practice for marriage. Girls should want to marry a guy whom she respects as much as her dad; it’s a transfer of authority. Guys should practice showing love to their moms, and a girl can tell how he will treat her by the way he relates to his mother.

By: Anna

Anna — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:16:23 +0000

I agree, I think for a marriage to be truly close and intimate there has to be a level of honesty and truthfulness higher than with anyone else. I do think there is a balance, especially with sharing every thought and temptation that is not absolutely necessary and can actually lead into danger. But as a general rule it is vastly important to communicate well with your spouse.

Going back to parents though, I think that is sort of the training ground for marriage. If you really have a hard time telling anything to your parents, the ones who have raised you, known since before you were born, lived with you, disciplined you, loved you every day of your life…is it going to be easier to be open with a spouse? Well, maybe at first. Perhaps this is a slightly inaccurate parallel, but personally I have found my relationship to my parents one of the most valuable things in my life.

By: Matthew

Matthew — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 23:02:06 +0000

Yeah, it’s definitely good to have honest relationships, especially with your spouse. But I did just read in Reforming Marriage by Doug Wilson that sharing every little temptation to anger or irritability often does nothing more than tempt the other to do what provokes you.

As he says, “Newlyweds often think that being close and intimate with one another means sharing everything that happens to come into their heads, including temptations….There is no sin in being tempted. It is not necessary to apologize for any thought that happens to come into one’s head.”

But yes, the two becoming one is crazy synchronization of minds, I’d have to agree.

By: Nathaniel

Nathaniel — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 22:02:12 +0000

Yeah, you really have a point there about it not always being appropriate to tell everyone everything. Just think about it a while and I’m sure you can come up with some ugly examples.

Still, there’s something to be said for radical honesty, perhaps in its right place. I imagine being married and pretty much dumping my whole mind on my wife and her doing the same. I know it’s not really possible, but there’s definitely something to “the two will become one”. Surely you have to work at it, but that’s just mind-blowing intimacy for me. Knowing the details of each other’s minds. Yeah, maybe that’s because I hardly tell anyone anything.

I appreciate your words on one’s relationship with their parents, too.

By: Anna

Anna — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:01:13 +0000

Good post, Matthew. Made me think a bit about how I respond to questions and also how I ask them. When I ask “how are you doing” maybe I’m looking for a trite answer not expecting a sincere response…and perhaps I should be more actually concerned in people’s lives.
And I also liked what you said about parents. I completely agree that, though sometimes difficult, it is a thoroughly worthwhile process to communicate with your parents, particularly about struggles and messiness, they really care about you and will seek to build you up, keep you accountable and encourage you, where sometimes peers will not do such a great job.