a broken mold

So, I was looking at random studies done on lab rat children, and low and behold one came up on spanked children. Yes, the study was finally done! Hold onto your hats, because here is the results. It turns out that, if you were spanked as a child, you might show increased signs of aggression. “The researchers accounted for factors such as acts of neglect by the mother, violence or aggression between the parents, maternal stress and depression, the mother’s use of alcohol and drugs, and even whether the mother considered abortion while pregnant with the child.” But… “they could not explain all of the violent tendencies at that age. Further, the positive connection between spanking and aggression remained strong, even after these factors had been accounted for.” So, all of that is not as strong of a factor as spanking. Basically, you are more likely to be an axe murderer if you were spanked rather than completely neglected by your parents. Thank you, scientists, we now know that you are bitter about getting your tooshy booboo’ed. The study was conducted on an unknown number of children, and 2500 of that unknown number shone positive signs of aggression, like yelling at their parents, and then resisting being spanked.

I love studies like these, because most all of us, the normal, everyday citizens of 2010, were spanked as a child, and are obviously more prone to bashing each other’s skulls in than hippies, who never spank their children and are better off for it with their, *wheeze* weed. These studies also show how much we love to blame everything on our parents. “But your honor, you don’t understand, I was spanked as a child, I had to break the man’s knee caps off.” Scary part is… that sometimes works. Oh well, I guess now that I can blame violence on being spanked, I can take that guy out for his french fries. It was… uh… an emotional moment for me… and… uh… you should blame it on my parents. Duh.