a broken mold

I’ve been browsing around online, like I always do, and I decided to click “the experts” button. It was all about money, and how you should use it. That doesn’t surprise me, but it got me wondering, is that all experts are good for? Are they even good for that? If I know one thing about successful people, it’s what Dogbert taught me. Never trust ’em, they don’t like company.

I suppose we have to have a few, like doctors, right? I mean, Doctors (notice the capitol D) are the means we have our health. They are the fire that drives our bodies from sickly and informed to well and… oops, did I say informed? Oh well, you get the point. If that point was I don’t like anyone who claims to only want the best for me, then charges me obscenities. And don’t even get me started about the E.R. I’ve been there, and had to pay up. They say no one pays, so I didn’t have to either, but I’m a Christian, so what can I do, ya know? I know one thing, I’m giving myself my own cleansing from now on, if you know what I mean.

Anyways, I don’t see what the big deal is. Generalists have been saving our lives since forever. It’s all the specialists, the elites, and so on that can’t see the big picture. A nose doctor might not see the tumor in your brain. A brain doctor probably will ignore that leak in your heart. A heart doctor will wonder why you have a runny nose. Soon, we won’t even have nose doctors. They will specialize in left and right nostrils. “Sorry, I can’t fix your left blowhole, but I can clean your right. No, your sinus congestion will have to be fixed by Dr. Smartypants. He’s the mucus specialist.”

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we should get rid of smart people. On the contrary, I want smart people to act the part and be smarter. The body isn’t that segregated, and I have to learn that in college without getting a medical license. As far as what I should do with my money, I’ve got that covered. I’ve got bills to pay, mouths to feed, and… whoa, I thinks that’s from a song. “There ain’t no rest for the wicked, money don’t grow on trees.” I hate that song. So, yeah, whatever, save money, spend money, make money. Don’t get in debt, or you’ll be sorry. Make more than you spend is also good. Budgets, banks, interest, yeah, it’s mostly common sense. Just… don’t be an idiot. Trust me, I’m an expert. Not really.

Is there anything else that experts are good for? I guess they could always form a discussion group. Experts Anonymous, yeah, I’d join that. “Hi, my name is Bob.”

Hello, Bob.

“I am a compulsive advise giver, code name expert, and I have not given advice to people in three weeks.”

Applause, applause.

Never mind, those support groups are boring. I guess that’s why they’re in so many comedy shows. In conclusion, drink Dr. Pepper. Trust me, I’m a doctor.

(Disclaimer: Author is not really a doctor, but drink Dr. Pepper anyways as commercials tell you too, and they are written by expert pitchmen, like Willie Mays, God rest his soul, except he didn’t endorse it.)