Yippee! Ah, what a day. Few have ever heard of it, fewer still ever had the desire to see it. Virtually no one has actually had the guts to, and only sixteen people in existence have ever admitted to seeing it. I am number seventeen! That’s right, I’m talking about … Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. It was… beautiful. Sniff.

Why do I bring this up? Oh, just with the talk of Global Warming (shudder), terrorist threats and whatnot, I just thought I’d point out that proverb from MIB, “There’s always an Arquillian Battle Cruiser, or a Corillian Death Ray, or an intergalactic plague that is about to wipe out all life on this miserable little planet, and the only way these people can get on with their happy lives is that they DO NOT KNOW ABOUT IT!” Well, that turned out to be false, evidently. We know about the threats, the bad stuff that is happening, just as we knew of the bomb in the Cuban Missile Crisis. So what? Do I care? Dr. Stranglove seemed pleased with the prospect of a disaster, so why shouldn’t I?

If I seem flippant, it’s because I am. Why? I happen to be a Christian. What does this mean? It means I know that all of humanity will never be wiped out. You see, we got this Bible, and it says so. We won’t turn into a sun, we won’t all get blown up by suiciders… suaciders… sooisidars? And we most certainly won’t run out of room to walk on this earth and starve ourselves. Trust me on the last one, Texas has more empty land than the moon’s surface, and we could always irragate… dang spelling!… the deserts.

So when you hear some scientist say, “What we are about to test is a bomb that could wipe out all life on earth,” or, “We are all going to freeze to death very soon in the next ice age,” or in the very next generation, “global warming is going to melt us all!” just realize it’s not going to happen. Bad stuff may happen, but not that.

All this said, if I ever joke about wanting banana trees in Texas (and I do) or Russia to be the new Caribbean (everyone would get drunk a lot less) know that I am just being flippant… and honest. Not that it’s going to happen, Russia will probably be the frozen hell that it is until the good Lord comes back. Maybe we could speed the process up a little. Okay, on the count of three everyone blow up a tree.

I think we can all remember back to the day where those cheesy commercials would come out with some famous cartoon character asking kids not to smoke. “Don’t Smoke” had been the mantra to our children since my grandfather’s time. I think it’s making a comeback, and I have evidence.

Exhibit A: Our president has been fighting the cigarette habit and has been winning for nine months.

B: The News has been eating it up.

C. Castro smokes cigars.

I can just see the new commercial with our commander in chief asking kids not to be communist dictators, but peace loving, non-smoking Americans. Never mind the fact that Castro has been in power for about fifty years. Dang, he must be in his eighties. And has anyone seen him without a huge, Cuban cigar stemming from his teeth? No. But then again, those are better than cigarettes. Nasty little buggers.

All this to say, don’t settle for the cheap stuff, go for the good. If you want to make it a habit, the best way to slow it down is to make it expensive. That is why it is hard to get drunk from good whiskey. You can buy a bottle of the cheap paint thinner for about as much as one shot of the sweet ambrosia that melts my heart.

Naw, I’m just kidding. Only the love of my life, Hannah, melts my heart. But I digress, please kids, don’t smoke cigarettes. If you are male and want to be like C.S. Lewis, smoke a good pipe with some beer around the fireplace, or in a decent pub. Don’t be like Mr. President, who now has to try to quit because he smokes the stuff hobos are made of.

Anyways… not to change subjects, but I want to change subjects. Looks like Palin is babysitting the “Kate plus 8” kids on a camping trip. Turns out her daughters get along with them really well. Wow, that was boring. I should stick to money.

Okay, so you know how Europe is swimming in a keg of fetid sweat, right? Greece was hit, then some western place had to be bailed out… I forgot the place, but England rules them. And we’re doing less and less economically stable, so… when will it end? I don’t mean the Apocalips… Apocolips… Alpachalypes? However you spell that. I mean this, when is the debt going to get so bad for everyone that we all start passing around an imaginary check and call all even? Unless China is not in debt, then they just rule the world in return for all the debts being canceled. That would be fun for thirty seconds. Why am I bringing this up, you ask? Well, I figure the Chinese will not like stupid TV shows and celebrity guest stars that I get bored with so much. I’m hoping once they get in power, I’ll never have to hear of them again. Also, I doubt the Chinese will have production problems like money and stuff. They always find a way to make a product that is cheap and never ending. I hope they will let us keep the dollar, but hey, if not, I won’t miss old Ben too much.

This is all assuming, of course, that we don’t know what we are doing economically and  that we don’t have a back up plan. I am sure we have precautions for such things as important as selling ourselves to Communist governments. Pretty sure, anyways. A little sure. I hope we do.

Now just hold on a sec, think about it. These are people’s lives we are talking about, and we think cutting their funding is worth it? Really? How are they supposed to buy stuff to boost the economy without pay? Not to mention the things not getting cut before them. Jet planes for politicians? Necessity. Parties at the taxpayer’s expense? Boosts moral and keep the public informed. Thousands, nay, tens of thousands… one more time… two million employees without pay for two years? Expendable! … What? Is this a proper time to use four letter words? Fire them. That’s two. Get rid of these morons. My niece could do a better job of running the country than these guys, and she’s one. She wouldn’t do anything—a big improvement to be sure.

Calm down, let’s think this through. Deep breath, exhale. Wow, I need to see my imaginary therapist. He’s Romanian.

Tell me about your troubles.

Well, I think the political realm is a big joke.

Interesting. When was the first time you thought this?

Well, I was in my chair in Texas when this reporter on TV said then McCain was nominated for the Republican Party, and some senator I never heard of won the presidency, and I got to thinking about Clinton getting away with murder and our past governor buying out the banks, and it struck me. This is funny.

Go on.

Think about it, some old guy comes up and says, “I am not pro-abortion, I’m pro-choice,” and everybody cheers because he said everybody wanted to hear. “He doesn’t like abortion, like me!” “He will let me have an abortion, I like him!” The only reason he got the support he did was that we all hoped he’d die in office and let that Alaskan lady be President. That’s hilarious, it’s like something you would see in one of those office comedies, like Dilbert, except with politics.

Tell me more.

Well, it didn’t matter, cause the stranger won. He talked air so much, I really didn’t know what to expect. “Change is good.” “Yes we can.” Such things left me in the dark, clueless. Then it happened: nothing. For one year, nothing happened. Then some changes happened. Money got misplaced, soldiers were sent home, war happened, you know, the usual passive sentences. The the House was “won.” Another good passive sentence. Republicans got it, and Democrats still run the rest. Both didn’t really do any good. And now, just when I think that our President wanted a super government to rule the populace by fooling them, this happens. Two million. What were they thinking? To use the money to create jobs for the people they laid off? Pay off the debt from the credit cards those people will have to use to buy food? I don’t get it, does he want them to love him or does he want them to starve? I can’t tell anymore.

Interesting, please, continue.

Well, I got to thinking some more. How could all this insanity happen? It’s like I’m in a crazy comic strip with a doomed government. Then I saw the light. God is writing the story of the world, right? Well, maybe He got tired of just making good vs. evil stories. I mean, He’s still writing this one, and more like it, but maybe He likes different genres. I can imagine the angels rolling in their seats as they watch C-SPAN and CNN. Maybe it’s okay to laugh, just so we don’t cry, because we all know the Dilbert jokes are real, but laughing at them will make us feel better, and in the end only bring joy. And if God can laugh at all this, and if the angels are really covering their face, shedding tears from holding in giggles, then I guess I can laugh, too. Maybe it’s not so bad after all. Sure, we all get poor quality food from buffets, but not many of us are hungry. And those who are still have a reason or two to smile. One of them being how incredibly messed up the guys in charge are. Who knows, laughing at it could make people see how ridiculous they really are. But I doubt that.

Thanks, imaginary therapist, you work just as well as a real one. If you will excuse me, I’m going to write a book called, “How to Survive being in a Tragic Comedy: What roles you should and shouldn’t be.” Guess what my inspiration is.

Australia pledged support to South Korea, and America said it would stand by its allies. Good, they should. But what is this starting to look like? I’m no end time theorist, or prophet of doom, but hey, WWIII is still possible. Especially if N. Korea gets help from China. Wouldn’t that be ironic? Everyone screaming to get out of war, and now this? It wouldn’t be good, mind you, but it would be ironic. I’d laugh.

But what is this? China is asking for peace? Hmm, that was unexpected. Russia is telling everyone to not fight either. I guess no one but N. Korea wants a fight. If everyone but one country wants to kill people, that may bring WWIII to a very lopsided fight. That would be good. Quick and easy. This could be the most entertaining, easiest WW we’ve ever had. Can I hear big “oops” from my communist hommies? … Homeys? Homeies? How do you spell that? Oh well.

But let’s say China backs his ally up, and Russia says they like China. That could be bad. N. Korea will still say oops, but from an entirely different angle. WWIII is not a good blight on anyone’s record, winner or loser. After all, many blame the allies for WWII. “Peace in our time,” and all that.

So, what can we learn from WWII? Preemptive strikes. I’m just saying… They might as well say “oops” sooner than later…

Whoa, whoa, whoa, I’m not saying we bomb civilians too. I’m just saying we help our ally have its aggressor change its politics. Preferably with assassins. That would make for a cool video game thirty years from now. Or N. Korea could surrender now and save us the trouble. That would be best.

So, until WWIV, see ya in the bunkers.

So I’m going up to give the gatekeeper my ticket so I can get on the plane, and this guy that had been passing out police stickers to kids comes up to me and says, “I noticed your T-shirt, I’m going to have to check your bag.” Mind you, this ominous shirt that I am wearing now is an orange college shirt from a college that does not have a violence record. Two-hundred students can hardly be considered a terrorist movement. So I try to explain that the college is actually a nice place with great drinks and pastries when he gets all big chested and tells me quite dubiously to open my bag. I do so with great haste. He then takes out this scanner that looks like a laser gun in the old TV series “Lost in Space” and sticks it in the opening. He didn’t find anything, but the passengers that I rode with looked at me funny the entire flight.

Why is it that we are guilty until proven innocent? Isn’t that supposed to be the other way around? I’ve heard horror stories from friends that just wanted to visit grandma who were strip searched and humiliated… in the USA. In the name of feeling safer, we have sacrificed our humanity. Is safety really our biggest worry? That reminds me of Dilbert and the “preventer of communications,” or some such thing. We are not allowed to profile, but we are allowed to treat all citizens as potential traitors. That is what we have fought wars over, what we hated the Russians for in the Cold War. Commies are supposed to do that, not us.

Oh well, I guess some perverts need jobs too. Not the security officers, the “scan scanners,” as I like to call them. Think about it. This is science fiction stuff we’re talking about. A scanner that can see through clothes? That doesn’t deter terrorists who hide stuff in cavities, that’s just an excuse to humiliate people. I wish I could see a benefit out of all this, or a logical reasoning somewhere, but really, all this does is makes us want to stay home. … … Wait, that’s it!

Okay, so here’s the plan. We make the people so sick of flying, that one day the only people who would dare go somewhere in a plane are the ones that are terrorists. It makes perfect sense if you don’t think about it. So terror wins in bringing about the end of free America and turning us to “safe” workers of the state. After all, we’re all in it together! Except for the politicians, they can do what they want. Safety must not be as important to them.

And now on to the actual issue. I am assuming you are an American if you are reading this. I will also assume you have some Christian values at least since you are reading this blog. Let me cut to the chase. Americans as a whole are proud to be an American. Even you will admit to this, whoever you are. My question is not if you should be or not, but how prideful you should be or not. Yes, I am an American. I like the fact I live here. Good people. Good food. But where is the line drawn between Nationalism (Nazi) and Patriotism (you like George Washington). Let’s find out.

Okay, so we can agree that if you believe your norms are perfect and without flaw, you are a nationalist, right? But is that all there is to it? As long as you think you have problems, are we safe from the label of the swastika? I don’t thinks so, and neither do you. Is it about race, then? Well, then all we have to do is like black people! Problem solved. What? No? Well, what else can Nationalism mean?

I bring out my Romanian alter ego to the stand. Ahem. (Que “Godfather” music.) In my homeland, we have a proverb, “If my goat dies, so does my neighbor’s.” It means, in basics, that it does not matter if I have problems, or if I am a jerk, or if I am falling apart. As long as everyone else is worse off than I am, I feel better about myself.

So, if you (I) say is true, Nationalism is all about my nation being better than all the other backward, third-world countries.

That’s right.

Uh oh, we have a problem then. We are the greatest country in the world. We know more about God, being founded in Christianity, we have more money, we have more freedom… I mean we got it all! That’s why everyone comes here.

Everyone?

Yeah, that’s right. So what’s Patriotism, if not national pride, smarty britches?

I am proud to be a Romanian, but that has nothing to do with Romania’s standing. It only means I love my neighbors, and will do everything in my power raise them up, and not tear them down. To go to another country and brag about how you are not starving to the hungry… that is not Patriotism. To say you have a better understanding of Theology to another Repenter across the sea, that is not Patriotism. Sometimes admitting you were in the wrong, learning from other cultures to raise yours up is Patriotism. All Nationalism does is tear down, a patriot raises up, in love and Christian Brotherhood. For we are all brothers in the faith, and comrades in the Kingdom of Heaven.

You (I) know something? You’re (I’m) right. I never thought of it that way before.

That’s because you (I) are a stupid American.

That hurt.

Yes we have made a great victory, but not because of the reason you might think. No, it’s not because the Democrats are now terrified of the Reps, as entertaining as that might be, but because of one little man with one big plan. That’s right, an “independent” has won the governorship of Rhode Island. I know, I know, it’s a tiny insignificant state that is so out of the way that Rhode shows up as misspelled in my spellchecker. I don’t care. I like Rhode. Now more than ever. But why am I not enthusiastic about the Reps victory? I haven’t seen many of them that I would actually vote for. No offense the ones that I have offended, but it all sounds like differing versions of Socialism to me. But for an independent to win the governorship gives me hope that a third party might arise and take the lead one day. A party that stands for Biblical truth, and not politics as usual. If one can win, two can win. And that is all the false hope I need to keep smiling.

But on the “Big Win” of November 2010, the war is far from over. The two sides are still fighting hard, casualties on both sides, even if they are just politically dead. Men have come back to the living, women have left their households, and name calling is prevalent on every page of your local newspaper. Now is not the time to celebrate, but to act! Arise, men of America! (and women) Vote against the income tax, the property tax, and government spending so much. Rise up in this cold war and live or die- okay I’m done. Seriously, this is good and all, but won’t fix a thing. It all is rather childish.

What the country needs is not a trust in the “P” word or the government, but a change of heart. My true challenge is to the pastors. Become leaders instead of followers. Bring Christ back into the lives of men (and women) and not just in the pews. Get personal, change lives, make a difference in their hearts and minds as well as their souls. Getting men (and women) to Heaven is not our job, but God’s. Our job is to proclaim and live Truth. Emphasize the “live.”

And another thing: I hate politics.

Thank you.

Stupid journalist peanuts.

Ah, here’s something. I see our President has “historically” went on the “Daily Show with Jon Stewart.” Comedy Central? That has jokes upon jokes upon jokes built into merely the fact he went, let alone what was actually said. This sounds too juicy to pass up.

…

Wow, that was… revolting. How did allow him up there? It’s like watching George Washington high kick in a mistress camp.

Okay, so we have our Commander in Chief, our leader, our Mr. President, get laughed at and ridiculed on stage as he tries to talk politics for the first half. The second half of it is just applauding his brilliance as I stopped laughing and as the comedy stopped pumping. How am I supposed to enjoy comedy in respectful subjects and respect a man while I laugh at him? This was wrong and amusing on so many levels that it registered in my brain as a nightmare after eating a three day old burrito, re-re-re fried. Oh, my stomach virus. It hurts so bad.

The only reason I can think they allowed this is because they thought it would get a few laughs. It did, but they were painful. I mean, hey, I laugh when a retarded kid slips and falls from an ice-slick too, but I also feel like I should go to hell afterward. I don’t want to laugh at our President, I want him to be respectable. I want our President to do what he is meant to do, to fulfill his role as our leader. Yes, he can let loose sometimes, but not become the object of ridicule. This bothers me to no end, so I better make an ending up.

Funny how I had to dig that up when the biggest thing on the news was the oil spill. It’s almost as if they used it for a smoke screen to perk our interests. Hmm.

Anyways, that’s all I have to say. Don’t talk to me about oil, I don’t care. Eat it and like it.

© Lisa Kimberly

OpenCongress published a blog post yesterday reporting that the two most viewed bills right now are “outlandish, non-viable proposals that have no support and no chance of being taken seriously by congressional leaders, ever.” A lot of traffic is arriving at these bills via searches.

These bills top the list because of chain emails. The sort that posit, in eye bleeding colors and typefaces, conservative conspiracy theories about clandestine government operations or ridiculous proposals. What is the problem with these viral messages? Citation needed. The people passing on the emails might feel they’ve fulfilled their duty to expose these heinous schemes, but the truth is nothing of the sort.

In reality, they merely muck up the issue and possess a lack of trustworthiness and verifiability. Some person or group of persons crafts a scare message, passes it on, and the recipients pass it on, and on, and on, and who knows who sent it in the first place or if it’s even the same message anymore.

Contrast this to the model of open information, say a blog post on OpenCongress. The writers present the subject clearly and cite sources. The post has a URL. Anybody can link to it. It doesn’t change. It’s open, trustworthy and verifiable information.

Peer-to-peer messages do not work for getting accurate and helpful information out. Citation needed.