1. Give yourself a break—you don’t need to be so hard on yourself.
2. Just say no! What are your real priorities?
3. Take time to write it down. Journaling will bring clarity to your life.
4. Slow down and savor living in the moment.
5. Plug into your kids so you can really connect with them.
6. Don’t forget about your husband—intimacy is life-affirming!
7. Reach out beyond your family. It will enrich everyone.
8. Make your physical and mental health a priority.
9. Is more always better?  Simplify everything.
10. Be a little selfish—you deserve it, and it will make you a better mother.”

Okay, if I were to address all ten and answer them all, this blog would be transformed into a Creed, the Parent’s Creed. Actually, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea. But I don’t want to. So, I won’t. Instead, let me just break all ten down into one easy to understand sentence, and then attack the baksheesh out of that.

1-10. Parenting is a chore, but you deserves breaks every now and then, so be selfish.

Oh, I know that’s a little harsh. Let’s find the gold nuggets and then tear apart the rest. Point one is a no… Two… I don’t understand. I think prioritizing is great, as long as your family is the priority. Three, well, I don’t see anything wrong with it. Four is good, but again I think as a whole with the family. Five is the best one yet. Every parent should be involved with the ones they love. Oh, I stand corrected. Six… that’s the best one yet. So says Solomon, anyways. Seven can be taken in so many directions, I don’t know what to say about it. Eight… um… “a” priority, okay… but the family? Top priority. Yes, even more than your health. Pregnancy is not good for the body, but it does create new life. That is priority. Nine, I wish I knew just what you were “simplifying.” More children is always better! I do think that the simple life is a good life, however. Ten equals NO.

Yeah, I think that about covers it. So, what is the problem with what I left behind? (Oh, where to begin where to begin…) I got it! Okay, so we covered what Love was last time, right? It’s making your life, what you enjoy, what you desire the good of those said loved ones. Like God does to us, only, with us, on a small scale. I know a family that treat chores like a game so that the kids actually ask to clean the house instead of being forced to. I remember two of their daughters coming in to ask my mother if it was okay if they sweeped and cleaned the living room. Whenever I tell that story, my friends say, “Dude, that’s messed up! They shouldn’t be enjoying work, treating it like a privilege, they should be having fun doing worthless things, like slide, or swing, or running around in circles and falling face first on the ground.” Oh, they do those things too, but that doesn’t mean it should be any less gratifying raking a mop around the floor, getting water everywhere with a purpose.

It’s like, one time, I was working with my Dad, and he gave me a sledge hammer and told me to break concrete steps until he could get a jackhammer. I know you are all picturing me in a chain gang, singing blues and hammering to the beat, but, man, I felt like Thor crushing that stupid serpent’s head in. Was it tiring? Sure it was. Did I feel super powered? You bet your sweet tanned hide, I did! When those steps split in two after five hours of hammering, I lifted that baby hammer with one hand and screamed, “Righteous!” I could hear the guitar solo in my mind.

But does that carry over to parenting? I mean, it’s not always fun. Or is it? What is fun? Is it a thing? Is it a vegetable? Is it rest? It is hard? Can work and play truly be… attitude? In the Bible, and you knew I was going to bring that up, we find all kinds of things like this. Solomon, for example, writes in one place that there is nothing better for a man to do than to eat, drink, and be merry. But he also talks about work, and the criteria for a housewife and a husband. It sounds harder than those concrete steps I was talking about earlier. But what is the theme of the attitude? Have you ever seen a sad man in Proverbs that was doing the right thing? Someone dreading the hard, and lusting for the easy? Other than the fool, I mean, he didn’t end too well, with all the dieing and darkness and all. Man, what a way to go, beaten by a perfumy girl. Mighty men even.

To complete this voyage, I would like to rewrite those ten rules into three, making some well needed changes.

What to do if you are married and going to have the kiddies:

1. Read the Bible and do what it says, especially in Proverbs, Romans, Timothy, and Song of Solomon. That last one is not so much for the kiddies, but marriage is what is supposed to bring them along, you know!

2. Raise those kiddies up in the way that they should go by reading ALL of the Bible and teaching it to them all day and most of the night.

3. Selfishness is the root of all evil. Don’t do it. Being married means you are no longer you, but you are you plus 1, and your kids are an extension of that. Would you like it if your eyes said, “Hey, I’m tired of looking for the brain, let him look at the sunset himself. I’m taking a vacation.” No, you would not like that in the least. Unless you are blind and you did not have a choice. Than choose something else, a hand, a leg, a head… anything that is applicable to a part of you that you really need.

Okay, that won’t work. That is all way too long. Let me shorten those down to one easy to read sentence.

1-3. Love God and do what He says in the Bible.

Of course, that is really the answer to everything.

I suppose we have to have a few, like doctors, right? I mean, Doctors (notice the capitol D) are the means we have our health. They are the fire that drives our bodies from sickly and informed to well and… oops, did I say informed? Oh well, you get the point. If that point was I don’t like anyone who claims to only want the best for me, then charges me obscenities. And don’t even get me started about the E.R. I’ve been there, and had to pay up. They say no one pays, so I didn’t have to either, but I’m a Christian, so what can I do, ya know? I know one thing, I’m giving myself my own cleansing from now on, if you know what I mean.

Anyways, I don’t see what the big deal is. Generalists have been saving our lives since forever. It’s all the specialists, the elites, and so on that can’t see the big picture. A nose doctor might not see the tumor in your brain. A brain doctor probably will ignore that leak in your heart. A heart doctor will wonder why you have a runny nose. Soon, we won’t even have nose doctors. They will specialize in left and right nostrils. “Sorry, I can’t fix your left blowhole, but I can clean your right. No, your sinus congestion will have to be fixed by Dr. Smartypants. He’s the mucus specialist.”

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we should get rid of smart people. On the contrary, I want smart people to act the part and be smarter. The body isn’t that segregated, and I have to learn that in college without getting a medical license. As far as what I should do with my money, I’ve got that covered. I’ve got bills to pay, mouths to feed, and… whoa, I thinks that’s from a song. “There ain’t no rest for the wicked, money don’t grow on trees.” I hate that song. So, yeah, whatever, save money, spend money, make money. Don’t get in debt, or you’ll be sorry. Make more than you spend is also good. Budgets, banks, interest, yeah, it’s mostly common sense. Just… don’t be an idiot. Trust me, I’m an expert. Not really.

Is there anything else that experts are good for? I guess they could always form a discussion group. Experts Anonymous, yeah, I’d join that. “Hi, my name is Bob.”

Hello, Bob.

“I am a compulsive advise giver, code name expert, and I have not given advice to people in three weeks.”

Applause, applause.

Never mind, those support groups are boring. I guess that’s why they’re in so many comedy shows. In conclusion, drink Dr. Pepper. Trust me, I’m a doctor.

(Disclaimer: Author is not really a doctor, but drink Dr. Pepper anyways as commercials tell you too, and they are written by expert pitchmen, like Willie Mays, God rest his soul, except he didn’t endorse it.)