1. Give yourself a break—you don’t need to be so hard on yourself.
2. Just say no! What are your real priorities?
3. Take time to write it down. Journaling will bring clarity to your life.
4. Slow down and savor living in the moment.
5. Plug into your kids so you can really connect with them.
6. Don’t forget about your husband—intimacy is life-affirming!
7. Reach out beyond your family. It will enrich everyone.
8. Make your physical and mental health a priority.
9. Is more always better?  Simplify everything.
10. Be a little selfish—you deserve it, and it will make you a better mother.”

Okay, if I were to address all ten and answer them all, this blog would be transformed into a Creed, the Parent’s Creed. Actually, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea. But I don’t want to. So, I won’t. Instead, let me just break all ten down into one easy to understand sentence, and then attack the baksheesh out of that.

1-10. Parenting is a chore, but you deserves breaks every now and then, so be selfish.

Oh, I know that’s a little harsh. Let’s find the gold nuggets and then tear apart the rest. Point one is a no… Two… I don’t understand. I think prioritizing is great, as long as your family is the priority. Three, well, I don’t see anything wrong with it. Four is good, but again I think as a whole with the family. Five is the best one yet. Every parent should be involved with the ones they love. Oh, I stand corrected. Six… that’s the best one yet. So says Solomon, anyways. Seven can be taken in so many directions, I don’t know what to say about it. Eight… um… “a” priority, okay… but the family? Top priority. Yes, even more than your health. Pregnancy is not good for the body, but it does create new life. That is priority. Nine, I wish I knew just what you were “simplifying.” More children is always better! I do think that the simple life is a good life, however. Ten equals NO.

Yeah, I think that about covers it. So, what is the problem with what I left behind? (Oh, where to begin where to begin…) I got it! Okay, so we covered what Love was last time, right? It’s making your life, what you enjoy, what you desire the good of those said loved ones. Like God does to us, only, with us, on a small scale. I know a family that treat chores like a game so that the kids actually ask to clean the house instead of being forced to. I remember two of their daughters coming in to ask my mother if it was okay if they sweeped and cleaned the living room. Whenever I tell that story, my friends say, “Dude, that’s messed up! They shouldn’t be enjoying work, treating it like a privilege, they should be having fun doing worthless things, like slide, or swing, or running around in circles and falling face first on the ground.” Oh, they do those things too, but that doesn’t mean it should be any less gratifying raking a mop around the floor, getting water everywhere with a purpose.

It’s like, one time, I was working with my Dad, and he gave me a sledge hammer and told me to break concrete steps until he could get a jackhammer. I know you are all picturing me in a chain gang, singing blues and hammering to the beat, but, man, I felt like Thor crushing that stupid serpent’s head in. Was it tiring? Sure it was. Did I feel super powered? You bet your sweet tanned hide, I did! When those steps split in two after five hours of hammering, I lifted that baby hammer with one hand and screamed, “Righteous!” I could hear the guitar solo in my mind.

But does that carry over to parenting? I mean, it’s not always fun. Or is it? What is fun? Is it a thing? Is it a vegetable? Is it rest? It is hard? Can work and play truly be… attitude? In the Bible, and you knew I was going to bring that up, we find all kinds of things like this. Solomon, for example, writes in one place that there is nothing better for a man to do than to eat, drink, and be merry. But he also talks about work, and the criteria for a housewife and a husband. It sounds harder than those concrete steps I was talking about earlier. But what is the theme of the attitude? Have you ever seen a sad man in Proverbs that was doing the right thing? Someone dreading the hard, and lusting for the easy? Other than the fool, I mean, he didn’t end too well, with all the dieing and darkness and all. Man, what a way to go, beaten by a perfumy girl. Mighty men even.

To complete this voyage, I would like to rewrite those ten rules into three, making some well needed changes.

What to do if you are married and going to have the kiddies:

1. Read the Bible and do what it says, especially in Proverbs, Romans, Timothy, and Song of Solomon. That last one is not so much for the kiddies, but marriage is what is supposed to bring them along, you know!

2. Raise those kiddies up in the way that they should go by reading ALL of the Bible and teaching it to them all day and most of the night.

3. Selfishness is the root of all evil. Don’t do it. Being married means you are no longer you, but you are you plus 1, and your kids are an extension of that. Would you like it if your eyes said, “Hey, I’m tired of looking for the brain, let him look at the sunset himself. I’m taking a vacation.” No, you would not like that in the least. Unless you are blind and you did not have a choice. Than choose something else, a hand, a leg, a head… anything that is applicable to a part of you that you really need.

Okay, that won’t work. That is all way too long. Let me shorten those down to one easy to read sentence.

1-3. Love God and do what He says in the Bible.

Of course, that is really the answer to everything.

This is one of my favorite quotes (often attributed to Plato, but it was probably said by Ian Maclaren):

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

There are things, many things you don’t know about a person. Of course people vary. But it’s true overall. The heart hides things you might not think can be hidden. But we’re pretty good at this.

There’s not really much else to say until you’ve understood this, seen and known somebody hiding such pain. There was a Mefite who recently comitted suicide. He left a sad, sad note. He never told anyone about his demons and his experiences with professional help were pretty poor.

And he hid it. He was a nice guy. You might not have any idea he was so often in pain, he was so pleasant and kind.

And so he left his story in a note before he killed himself. You didn’t know, I didn’t know, his parents didn’t care. He was ashamed; he didn’t think anybody could care.

It’s so easy to hurt people, to tear them down because you’re annoyed, scared, stupid, not thinking, offended by the front they put up to hide what’s inside, and so on and so on.

Of course you should always be kind, love everybody. But maybe it would be a little easier if you remember that everyone is fighting a hard battle, even the people you don’t think are. Everybody holds inside things you can’t see, perhaps things that are utterly crushing. Everybody’s got a fight somewhere.

Today’s topic – danger. A rather incongruous subject to my present state of safety and repose, but one is always more disposed to discuss dangerous things in security than when actually in danger. And why not? It is danger that makes safety so delightful and terrifying things that make simplicity and mundaneness so enjoyable. Only those who have never experienced danger can be bored by everyday life. And only those who delight in the everydayness of life can truly be ready for danger when it comes. The reason for this, of course, is love.

The person who is content and happy with life, enjoying mundane things and delighting in pure simplicity has a reason to fight. Better a farmer with a pitchfork fighting for what he loves, than a rigorously trained, hardened warrior that doesn’t care. That farmer fights because he loves his chores, his work, his animals, his mundane routines, his sweat, his dirt, his family. He fights because he wants to wake up early in the morning, watch the sun rising to caress his land with a glorious red glow, feed his animals and hear their contented chewing, he wants to scratch a pig’s bristled back and smell freshly cut hay, he wants to revel in the first moments of a newly born lamb and watch the baby horse taking its first steps, he wants to tickle his daughters, chase them around the barn, see their eyes sparkle, their giggles startle the horses, and straws of hay get lost in their curls, he wants to kiss his wife every morning, growing old with her, he wants to see his God in every blade of grass, in every drop of dew, and praise Him for sun, rain, joy, sorrow, laughter, and tears. He wants life with all its tiny, unimpressive feats and everyday miracles. He doesn’t seek out danger, but when danger comes he will meet it head-on, plunge into it with fear, but without a backward glance, because he loves.

The other man has become tired of life, mundaneness irritates him, simplicity bores him, he has no time, but all the time in the world. He fills his life with emptiness, surrounds himself with complexity to hide his loneliness, plunges into activity to mask his idleness. He has lost his curiosity, lost his imagination, lost his love…he seeks danger because he has lost his desire to live.

That farmer, if he loses his life to danger, gives it willingly for love. If he conquers the danger he praises God and comes joyfully back to his mundane life. The other man, if he loses his life, has given it willingly because it bored him. He sacrifices it because he is tired of it. That farmer offers his life back to God saying “thanks for the ride, it was a good one.” The other man shoves his life in God’s face saying “thanks for nothing, take this back, I don’t want it anymore.” If he comes through danger with his life, he is disappointed, the home-coming is anti-climactic and he is already seeking another drink, another draught of danger. In the words of G. K. Chesterton “A martyr is a man who cares so much for something outside him, that he forgets his own personal life. A suicide is a man who cares so little for anything outside him, that he wants to see the last of everything.”

Danger gives spice to life, it makes life worth living. But danger is also…well…dangerous. Let us not be so eager for danger that we forget to enjoy mundane life, and let us not cling so tightly to life that we are unwilling to face danger for its sake.

Right, so, first, a slight recap with softer language. Courtship and dating are not sins, but I have a problem with them and a lot of its applications as I have seen. Great results have been done with both, mostly by courtship, but right now, I want to set aside results and go with Scripture. No I’m not saying courtshipers have never thought of Scripture, but that they might be wrong in this particular aspect of interpretation. Last time, I mostly pointed out my love for arranged marriage, but I hardly even touched why I don’t like courtship. Allow me, please, to explain.

First off, why don’t we as reformed peeps like dating? In general, I mean, not as a whole. It is because it takes the authority away from the father, has dangerous alone time, and seems too casual, blah blah blah, we got that, and agree. Why do “we” (not I said the fly) like courtship? That alone time is gone, usually, because of chaperons, it is considered serious, and it puts the authority back to the parents. Perfect! I like these aspects, by the way.

Now, allow me to diverge into a different headship discussion. Pastors. We complain about many Baptists because they take the authority away from the pastor and still give him the responsibility. With husbands, it’s the opposite complaint, they may give the authority to the wife while still having responsibility for the household. Both are bad. Agreed? I hope so.

Okay, back to courtship. Let’s ask some questions. I love Q and A.

Q. Who has the authority? A. The fathers.

Q. Who has the responsibility? A. The Fathers… don’t they?

In some cases, perhaps, but never in my experience or witness. Who is expected to be the one with the most pressure, who is being the one who gets blamed when it all falls apart, and who is getting the run over to see whether or not he is a mature, financially stable, righteous individual? (In what I have seen among reformers, not in EVERY case, I am sure!) A. The one who gets it in the end is usually the boy. Not that the girl doesn’t get hurt in the process, but that hurts the boy too if he is a Christian. Like I said earlier, I couldn’t care less how it goes down if they are infidels. Call me racist. (AH! Slipping into callous jerk again! Drink another beer… ah, that’s better.)

Here is the problem, the man is supposed to go after the girl through the father, right? That sounds great, except for this is a boy we are talking about. A big boy, but a boy never the less. I don’t care who it is, if he is male and he is under 45, and not married, he is immature and in serious need of a woman to set him straight. He cannot be a well rounded, stable individual unless he has a reason to… like the few that God has chosen to be celibate. If you are one of these men, please stop reading this, this is not directed at you in ANYway shape or form.

Look at us, guys! We are men. We go out to explore, we fight wars, we protect and club and yell and sweat. A man is not rooted down until he has his first child. Until then, they are warriors, they might miss home, but they are destined to leave the home… unless they are those particular nerds who are thirty and still live with mom. (No offence to nerds or Mom.) This happened to my once crazy brother-in-law, and everyone else that I now that has a kid now. (The maturing after their child’s birth, not the nerd.) It is not isolated, it happens in America, Romania, Italy, England, India, and I’m sure a lot of other places that I have not been to have the same thing. Family changes a man, and a woman… but in different ways.

The great thing about arranged marriage is that the father looks to the other father to see what the son WILL be… if the father trained the son for the job. The son is not the father, but he is an extension of him, and if he has good report, a brief discussion should be all that is needed to find out compatibility with his daughter, whom he knows intimately… right?

So man up, father! (Not that you aren’t, but if you are not, do so.) Don’t put all the pressure on the lad, for this should be new to him, and he is scared. He might have “feelings,” but you can smash them and turn them to darkness very easily. Don’t allow this to happen, you be the initiator! You go out and find your daughter a husband that get’s along well with her, that is her friend, perhaps, and whose father is an upright, Christian man who says his son would do well for your daughter. Trust each other, and trust God. The bud of friendship will bloom from brother and sister in Christ to a household worthy to serve the Lord. Your job is not to raise your daughter to be a perfect woman, but to raise her up to be a suitable helpmeet for a man who needs help. The two will make one, and they will be that mature, Christian family that unites your two households. A perfect picture of Christ and the Church to form… The Kingdom Complete!

Whoa, I don’t know what happened there. I got carried away, big time. At least I was honest.

This does not give the boy an excuse for being a rapist, or a thief, or a complete moron, but it’s a reminder to the fathers that the boy… is a boy. Get over it.

But is all that a legitimate reason? No, it is not. If the Bible says otherwise, then let all my words fall to ash!

Personally, to make it personal… I don’t think this is the only way. The Bible has other ways, such as with Ruth and Boaz. I like their story, and so does God. He says so. The law chose them. Why are we so afraid of the different? Why is it that if I say these things, many look at me like I am a freak? Show me the arguments’ errors, brothers, do not yell at me. If this is the better way, why not chose it? If you don’t want to, fine, go on and do what you want to do, but why? Are we not here to raise the Kingdom up to what is more perfect? Are we not here to bring Kingdom to Earth? Is this not what Reformers stand for? True ones? Remember, we are His, and we are not to rely on other’s understandings alone, but Scripture is our stronghold, as it was with Martin Luther, Calvin, Augustine. This may be the last time on this blog you hear me be this serious with no sarcasm, so enjoy it. Remember where we have come from. It is the smallest compromises that make Rome fall. It is the desire for something better, not the best, that brings Russians to Romania’s door. I am not saying “my” way is better, I am saying that what is in Scripture is the best. I am not sorry if that offends anyone… for if it does, we are lost.

Your friendly reminder,

Caleb

(Disclaimer: I do not own this photo! I found it on the internet, just like everyone else, so don’t sue me, please. It’s from qwickstep.com, FYI. [Editor’s note: replaced with a bigger version ripped from daylife.com. Heh.])

I think I want to smash a hornets’ nest. Yes, I think I do, so let me step into the room with a statement that will knock reformers’ socks off. Why is courtship so great when arranged marriage is everywhere in the Bible?

Oh, yes! I said it! You have no idea how long I’ve built the courage to say that. As soon as I thought of it, it took me at least fifteen seconds of going back and forth before I decided to bring it up. A new record of hesitation for me.

Let’s go with the first marriage, Adam and Eve. God created them and said to be fruitful and multiply. Pretty intense stuff, huh? But didn’t they have a choice? What if they only wanted two kids? Could they afford more? Well, considering the first two we hear about were male, and one killed the other, it doesn’t look like that would have worked in the long term. I’m just saying is all.

Let’s look at another one. Isaac got married. Yeah, I like Isaac. You know, Abraham’s son who got married to a girl whom the servant chose with a sign from God. Her parents seemed pleased with the deal of payment.

But what about all those horror stories we see in movies of aristocrats giving their daughters away to jerk princes just to make peace between those countries? Doesn’t that make them a commodity? Does this not dehumanize them? What about love? Don’t they have to love each other before they get married?

Where is that in Scripture? Yes, it commands husbands to love their wives, but if they are husband and wife already, does this mean they loved one another before hand? I’m not saying it is a bad thing for them to love one another before hand, but hey, God set the institution up, so shouldn’t He have set up a clearer system?

Ruth and Boaz chose one another, sort of… not really. They didn’t have a real courtship period either. Never mind, bad example for a counter point.

Ah! Here we go. Jacob and Rachel… and Leah… hmmm, interesting. He was put through a fourteen year courtship period. Doesn’t this mean that courtship is the better way to go?

Discounting the fact that the marriage of the three caused a civil war in Israel for a huge part of its history, what if only Rachel got hitched to Jacob. Isn’t this a Biblical example anyway? Only if the idol stealing Rachel did was just as Biblical. Just because it happens in Scripture by sinning people doesn’t make it Biblical.

Samson chose Delilah! Oops, never mind…

Um… we don’t know if Joseph chose Mary… at fourteen… but we don’t want to go there, because then we would have to say the age of fourteen is appropriate for marriage for young ladies. (It is, by the way.)

Uh… um… ah… oh… It is not UNBiblical. Neither is dating, right? My parents dated and are now a healthy Christian family. They said they wouldn’t let us ever date, but hey. That’s right, my and my sister’s significant others were chosen by the parents of both sides and presented to us, not the other way around. Gasp! I’m a freak! A sappy-happy freak, no less. Can it be abused? Yes, fathers can force daughters into an unhappy marriage with a rapist/murderer if they are unGodly, and dating and courtship can lead to happy marriages. But who knows the children more than the parent if they are in a Godly home? The UNGodly don’t have to get married as far as I’m concerned. It’s a God centered institution after all. Let them be hot or cold, let them be as heathenistic… heathenastic… forget it, bad as possible so that the simple may have a clear choice between good and evil. As for me and my house, we will choose the most Biblical way, not because of some self-righteousness that says we are more holy than you, but because we like God’s examples better than the “reformed” self-righteous path to holiness. Strange considering I’m reformed… I think so anyways. Bring on the rants, I still want to address this issue, but I’m tired for now. Screaming internally does that.

My problem with this, and the reason I personally messaged him about it, is that even unbelievers often evidence better charity than this, comporting themselves with goodwill even in heated disagreements. But they act only out of an intangible sense of sporting or intellectual solidarity. To employ the classic how-much-more argument, shouldn’t we Christians be legendarily quick to forgive? I think the excuse often given, and the misconception I want to address, is that we don’t have to forgive someone unless, or until, they’re truly repentant.

To begin with, forgiveness is different than reconciliation, meaning that you don’t have to wait for them to ask before you forgive them. Some might place the distinction between being prepared to forgive, and actually forgiving (once the other party has sincerely asked forgiveness), but I submit that these are different ways of getting at the same thing. Being prepared to forgive someone really just means you’ve forgiven them, otherwise you’re still holding something against them, whereas you should love them enough to pursue reconciliation.

In the above scenario, I told my friend that it didn’t seem very Christ-like to withhold forgiveness, to which he responded that God doesn’t forgive us unless we truly repent. My best answer was that we’re not God, which I think is a valid point. But more than that, I think God deals with us in a more forgiving way, though repenting of our sins is essential to being in fellowship with God, and conviction is how God brings us back because we are His atoned-for children. But if I were to die suddenly with unrepented sins, I don’t think I’d be cast into utter darkness or serving time in purgatory. And, on a more basic level, “God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).  Simply put, if God didn’t forgive us before we deserved it, we’d be screwed.

I was recently inspired to consider this topic again by a sermon on handling conflict, the telos of which was that we are told to forgive as we’ve been forgiven, or else God will do to us as the unforgiving servant of Matthew 18. The man in the parable was forgiven an impossible debt; we likewise, who have been forgiven much, are called to forgive much in return. And this fits nicely with a Thanksgiving theme, since I technically still have half an hour of “Turkey Day.” We’ve been forgiven everything, so we have no excuse for ungratefulness. We’ve been forgiven everything, so why not let’s forgive everyone, everywhere, everything?

That last line and the following excerpt, which I’ll end with, are from the lyrics to “bullet to Binary (pt. two)” by mewithoutYou:

We all well know
We’re gonna reap what we sow
But grace, we all know
Can take the place of all we owe
So why not, let’s forgive everyone, everywhere, everything
All the time, everyone, everywhere, everything

All the time, everyone, everywhere, everything…

https://www.abrokenmold.net/2010/11/so-why-not-lets-forgive-everyone/feed/ 4 https://www.abrokenmold.net/2010/10/academic-chastening/ Sun, 10 Oct 2010 22:50:51 +0000 https://www.abrokenmold.net/?p=828

From Wednesday night to Friday afternoon a couple weeks ago, I worked almost exclusively on a paper proposal (abstract) for my History Colloquium class. It was the sort where you have to have your topic, sources, thesis and supporting argumentation—your paper in all but implementation—already decided and articulated in your abstract. I hadn’t done any work on it until Wednesday. Resultantly, much caffeine and stress ensued, and only four hours of sleep until Friday night.

But wait (as they say), there’s more! When I got home after turning in the abstract, the document was still up on my desktop, and as I scrolled back through it with great satisfaction, I realized that my last-minute margins adjustment to 1″ from the 0.79″ default (stupid, OpenOffice) had seriously rearranged my bibliography indentations. I didn’t end up failing the assignment, but regardless, it caused me no small mental agitation.

Which ultimately led me to recognize again something about how God deals with us in our self-importance. I say recognize again because this is a pattern I’ve observed before, but seem to forget without God’s occasional humbling reminders. Almost like I’m a fallen son of Adam or something. God blesses my endeavors much more than I deserve, given how often I am lazy or unfocused—not exactly working heartily as unto the Lord. But often, as I scramble to salvage the consequences of my own irresponsibility, I give no time to prayer and Bible reading. I neglect those around me. And in God’s mercy, I get flattened. Two verses in closing:

“For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” — Hebrews 12:6 (ESV)

“For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.” — 2 Corinthians 7:10 (ESV)

This last week at CRF, Mr. Ben Merkle spoke on evangelism, specifically, on being immersed in the Word and in prayer thus preparing yourself to meet anyone with an answer for the hope within you. As homework he asked us to write a page or so in answer to that question. Essentially a testimony, or an explanation of why you are the way you are. It was an interesting assignment to complete and definitely made me think. For those of you interested, here is what I said:

First of all, I am created. I do not believe that I am the product of random chance, the vomitous effusion of primordial ooze. By merely observing the world around me I am convinced that there is a God, a Supreme Being by whom the universe was created. By seeing the beauty of this creation I know that He is fundamentally a good God. By reading the Scriptures I recognize that I am a special creation, endowed with the image of God Himself, able to reason, think and understand. I also realize that I am powerless, but that He is all powerful, controlling and knowing all things.

Secondly I am a sinner. There is evil in the world. I know that there is a moral standard since we are not just passive beings, but have consciences and feelings. Even atheists cannot consistently claim a neutral standard of behavior. Being made in the image of God we have, set in our very being, a perception of right and wrong. Knowing this, I am able to see that I do not measure up, that I am constantly doing that which is wrong. The Bible gives us the account of the Fall, in which Adam, the first human, turned away from God introducing sin into the world tainting all of creation and consequently all of his posterity. This is why there is misery in the world. This is why people die. The punishment for this sin is death and eternal separation from God.

Thirdly, I know that God is merciful in redeeming his sinful creation. He promised Adam that He would one day send a Savior to take away the punishment for our sin, bringing us back into fellowship with God. Thus, 4,000 years later, a baby was born to a virgin. Defying the laws of nature, this baby was God Himself incarnate in human flesh. He took on human form that he might be a fitting scape-goat to bear our punishments. Coming into our corrupt world, he lived without corruption. At the right time he was lifted up on a cross, cruelly murdered by hateful men. Three days later, according to His promise, He was resurrected from the dead, defying sin and death for ever and bringing with Him into new life all those who believed His promises and trusted Him for redemption. Thus I, having acknowledged my own sinfulness and need for renewal have trusted Him to bear my punishment for me and raise me up with Him to fellowship with God and free me from the power of sin.

Lastly, having received the great gift of His love and having been washed from sin by His righteous death and resurrection, out of thankfulness and reciprocal love towards Him, I am compelled to live righteously, seeking to put away the remaining vestiges of sin, and being renewed to a perfect likeness of Him in whose image I was made. I also am compelled to spread the good news of this redemption, telling others of the hope found in Christ, the Savior of the World. By my actions and by my words I seek to glorify Him, loving Him and loving mankind who, with me, were made in His image. My life and purpose are thus oriented by my thankfulness and love to a good, merciful and loving God. He loves me and therefore do I love Him. I no longer fear death because Christ defeated death and I through Him. I know that when I die, I shall be raised up, perfected in the image of God, to fellowship with Him forever, and with all believers. For this day I am waiting, seeking in the meantime to live according to His righteous standards, yearning to learn and know more about Him, observing and appreciating His wonderful character as evidenced in the beauty of Creation.

There are situations where death can be a blessing, but only in the sense that God uses or allows evil to work a greater triumph. Like the death of a dear saint in the pain of old age, ready to go home. Like Aslan and his death at the hands of the White Witch, or Christ’s own death on the cross. Caleb said at one point that death is just taking us to be with Christ. That is true, but that’s not the way it was intended. We were to fellowship with God by truly natural means; it is death that is unnatural, the result of a curse. And yet, Christ has taken the curse upon himself, and triumphed over death. Dying with him, we are raised to new life.

But I also believe there is an appropriate sorrow at death — in the case of beloved saints, merely at the separation, but with unbelievers the separation is eternal. That is worth grieving about. While everyone who rejects Christ gets what they want, it’s still a terrible, sorrowful result of the Fall. To repeat myself in a comment on Caleb’s post, while we trust and submit to God’s sovereign plan, it is not wrong to sorrow or attempt to change things (through evangelism, etc.).

But we live in God’s story, and we must tune our sense of humor to match his. Caleb made his case well in a follow-up comment: Eglon’s death is pretty funny. Yes, we can laugh at a dead man. But we can also sorrow. “The Lord is … not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). And finally, we surely must not fear death. I close with a quote from the end of Pilgrim’s Progress:

“My Sword I give to him that shall succeed me in my Pilgrimage, and my Courage and Skill to him that can get it. My Marks and Scars I carry with me, to be a witness for me that I have fought his Battles who now will be my Rewarder.” When the day that he must go hence was come, many accompanied him to the Riverside, into which as he went he said, “Death, where is thy Sting?” And as he went down deeper he said, “Grave, where is thy Victory?” So he passed over, and all the Trumpets sounded for him on the other side.

This and Nathaniel’s post on audience have got me thinking and somewhat re-working my approach. In fact, this is an attempt at a short to medium post that puts forth a thought for consideration. Now there is, of course, an appropriate way to strategize and target your audience. That’s what this post is about. But targeting your audience doesn’t mean broadening your appeal¹ so much as knowing your audience, like Nat said, and producing good content.

As should be apparent, this is really just a good business model — it applies to blogging almost informally. Companies like Apple, Inc. understand this.² Apple has a niche market and focuses on content that resonates within this group, to the extent that Jobs has what is termed a “cult following” [warning: link contains some language]. After all, Macs just work. Nevertheless, Apple is also a good example of a company that expanded its focus to great advantage (read: iPhone).

Conversely, Microsoft wants the whole market — go big or go home. Call it biting off more than you can chew, taking in too much territory, or whatever; but Microsoft tries to cover a broad range of user needs, hardware manufacturers and platforms, and comes up short on the quality front. Not content to focus on what it does best (using the term generously), Microsoft is constantly competing with Sony, Apple, Google, Gmail and Linux. And — whether it’s gaming consoles, hardware, media players, operating systems, communication services or search engines — you get a lineup of products doomed to eternal second place.

I could regale you with talk of BSODs, driver headaches and viruses, Windows ME and Vista, but the goal was merely to demonstrate what I mean by “the myth of relevance.” Just getting the most customers or the biggest audience is not an end unto itself. A streamlined, focused business model and quality control builds and retains a loyal consumer following. Spyderco is a good example. With only 30 employees and direct input from owner/founder Sal Glesser, there is a personal attention to quality and focus on customer relations that makes a Spyderco owner feel included, as it were. One wants the same sort of connection with a blog audience.

Finally, one more application: churches. There are, sadly, a lot of churches that would cut off their doctrinal arm to be “relevant.” They are the seeker-friendly, spiritual-milk, easy-believism variety. As Pastor Terry Tollefson is fond of saying, if the young people aren’t coming, break out the pizza, guitars, low lights and couches. Preach what people like to hear. Tickle ears. Unfortunately, they — just like the girl with mismatched shoes (one Converse and maybe a fur-trimmed boot is about right), striped leggings, outlandish hair and the “raccoon” style eyeliner — are pitching an indiscriminate appeal for attention. But attention is not an end to itself. You want the right kind of attention, the right kind of publicity. To quote Pastor Doug Wilson in a related vein, “Young Christian people should seek to become the kind of person that the kind of person they would want to marry would want to marry.”

Churches should want to attract people because of the strong preaching of law and condemnation in tension with grace and love, the unity, fellowship and accountability. The robust doctrine of Psalms and liturgy. The corporate-ness of Christ’s body. If someone is repelled by any of these things, that’s the way it should be — that’s the only hope for them. Diluting the truth until no one feels convicted is doing no one any favors. Taking the potency from worship and the doctrine from the songs is what, in other venues, would be called false advertising.

The church, properly functioning, shows people where they stand in relation to the body of Christ. When this is not done, people either discover spiritual meat at some point and have no taste for it, or settle into a warm, fuzzy, God-isn’t-about-guilt version of Christianity. (Just as long as I don’t have to do anything uncomfortable, like loving unlovable old people in nursing homes or confessing sins or letting grudges go.) On rare occasion, they realize they aren’t getting fed and look for a body to keep them accountable, words they can chew on — the Word himself.

So then, what I’ve called the “myth” of relevance is the notion that attracting attention, broadening appeal or increasing numbers is anything to aim for. At best, you will raise lukewarm interest in your lukewarm product. At worst, you will fill the Church with people who wouldn’t be there if they knew the way is narrow, and deter those who would only be there if they did. If I have spent time and digital ink on this last point, it’s because I’m serious. In any of these applications, there are some people to whom you don’t want to be relevant, and especially when it concerns the sanctification of Christ’s bride.

But, as always, that sanctification should flow out through all our endeavors, even our blogs. And yes, as a short to medium post, this is a fail. Oh well, semper reformanda and all that.